


Just This Once

by real__kazekage



Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/M, Lost Love, Resolution, Sexual Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:22:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26487868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/real__kazekage/pseuds/real__kazekage
Summary: Sten, the Arishok, is visited by Azura Amell ten years later.
Relationships: Female Amell/Sten (Dragon Age), Sten/Female Warden (Dragon Age)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 16





	1. Stay

_ “I can't run anymore,  
_ _ I fall before you.  
_ _ Here I am,  
_ _ I have nothing left.  
_ _ Though I've tried to forget,  
_ _ You're all that I am.  
_ _ Take me home.  
_ _ I'm through fighting it.” _

* * *

The map before Sten was large with many daggers placed in various territories: Ferelden, Tevinter, Antiva, and much more. These would be the lands that the Qunari will take for themselves and spread the Qun to Bas of Thedas. He always knew this day would come, but he never thought he would be the Arishok. Now, he must bear the weight of leadership of the entire army. He was once told he was destined for greatness due to his lack of horns, but he never believed it. He was content being a Sten. He is still a simple man: he takes orders and likes to hit things. Now, he has to be the one who gives orders. It is still a strange title to him, but he knows he must obey the Qun: no matter the cost. 

He was studying the landscape of Tevinter on the map when the large door to the war chamber was opened with such force it caused him to sneer. He gazed up to see an Ashaad, a tracker, before him. 

“What?” He spat over to him.

Ashaad bowed before him, but Sten ignored the gesture of respect. “Arishok, we found a bas saarebas in our keep.”

Sten’s brows furrowed deep into his forehead. At first he thought he heard the Sten incorrectly. He found a bas saarebas  **_WITHIN_ ** the keep? How is that even possible? How could a bas travel throughout Seheron without being noticed? All of Thedas is aware the Qunari will invade at any moment, which has also made the Qunari more aware of bas in their lands. So, how did a bas just walk through the island without being noticed? Especially a bas saarebas? 

His expression softened for a brief moment and his chest felt heavy, which was not from his armor. Unless it is….- **NO** , that is impossible. That is impossible. Sten ran his massive hand through his braided white locks and rested his hands back on the table in front of him. 

“Did you kill  **it** ?” Sten questioned, his hardened expression returned to his grey features.

“No,” Ashaad’s voice died down for a moment and his silver hues toward the ground to avoid the gaze of the Arishok. Sten inhaled sharply, waiting for an explanation. “She said you would want to see her. She is willing to give his information about the Inquisition.” 

Sten’s gaze turned away from Ashaad and toward the large window to the side. The sun’s rays beamed within the room and casted a faint shadow on his face. This is an interesting turn of events, but he still has a gut feeling that something isn’t adding up. Why would any bas want to aid the Qunari unless they wish to convert? Most bas converted during the mage rebellion when the Qunari were in Kirkwall. So why now? Also, how can he trust this stranger's information? He already has spies within the Inquisition, or the  _ Divine’s peace team _ , whichever they call themselves now. 

Yet, he would be lying if he said his interest hadn't peaked. A bas made it within their keep without any Qunari noticing. How long has she been here? More importantly, why is she here? Sten rolled his shoulders back and walked toward Ashaad. Ashaad bowed again and Sten walked past him. There were other Stens outside his chambers and all saulted at the sight of their Arishok. Honestly, he still isn’t used to the gesture because just a few years ago he did the same to the last Arishok. A few Taarbas were in the hallway and stopped surveying a map to salute him as well. Two Vasaad opened the large door and the sun’s rays nearly blinded Sten and he had to cover his eyes with his large hand. His vision slowly focused once his pupils adjusted to the light.

His violet hues gazed down the stairs to see the bas saarebas that the Sten told him about and his chest tightened once again. That horrible tightness that affected him around one person, and only one person.The sensation was foreign, yet he has felt it before, but that was ten years ago. It was her: the warden. He would know her anywhere despite the years they have been apart. 

It was Azura Amell: hero of Ferelden. 

She stood beside a Arvaarad who held her staff in his hand as he glared at her through his helmet. Yet, she was not cuffed at the hands. Did the Arvaarad truly think she is powerless without her staff? She paid no mind to her captor. No, her crystal colored hues only gazed at him: him alone. She wore a long white robe that was split down the middle to show her slender legs and knee high leather boots with a heel that only added to her already alluring figure. Her chest was nearly exposed except for the split in her robe around her torso together. The entire outfit reeked of nobility but what nearly made his skin crawl was the distinctive Tevinter necklace that laid against her naked white collarbone. Where did she get that? More importantly, why is she wearing that in his presence? Her once raven locks are now as white as the fresh snow from the sky during winter. Her hair was braided neatly and nearly touched her waist. A decade has passed but her beauty has only grown. It was maddening to see her like this. 

Azura took one step forward but four Karasaad pointed their spears at her pale neck. The blades nearly pricked her snow white skin. The sight caused his chest to tighten even more: it was aggravating. Why is this happening to him? More importantly why is Azura here!? His mind was clouded with so many emotions. Emotions he thought he had beaten out of him all those years ago. All he felt at the moment was protection -- he must protect her! 

“ **Parshaara!”** His voice roared over the crowd and the Karasaad lowered their spears, slowly. A smirk grew on Azura’s lips as she used her index finger to push away one of the spears closest to her. The heel of her boots dug into the sand below her as she slowly walked over to him. She took another step and another and another till she was at the lowest step. He stared down at her and her crystal hues felt like they were piercing into his soul: if he still had one. 

“Hello,” she paused and a smile grew on her pink painted lips. “Arishok.” 

* * *

_ “Constantly ignoring the pain consuming me,  
_ _ But this time it's cut too deep.  
I _ _ 'll never stray again.” _

* * *

Sten had the Arvaarad lock Azura down in the prisons for the moment. For now, he isn’t sure what to do with her. She was the last person in all of Thedas he wanted to see. Why is she even here? The only way he will know is if he speaks to her. However, he knows how that will go. She will play mind games with him like she has always done to him. She isn’t honest or sincere: she is selfish and narcissistic. Yet, he is still drawn to her despite her negative traits. He is still drawn to HER: a bas saarebas. He thought all those emotions were demolished from him when he returned ten years ago. He was beaten, burned, starved, and put in isolation till he was certain he would never think of her again. Yet, when he saw her just an hour ago, all those emotions he once had for her returned like a wave against the rocks of the ocean’s shore. 

He needs to hit something, and soon. But for now, he must know why she has come to him. Why now? Why after ten years? 

He walked down to the holding cells and opened the door, slamming the door against the wall. Two Stens saluted but Sten did not even notice. His violet hues were glued on Azura who was sitting in the cell directly across from him. She was sitting on a stool with her legs crossed, gently moving the leg back and forth. As if she was impatient. Sten grumbled at the sight, and waved his large hand toward the Stens. 

“Leave us.” He ordered and the Stens only stared at him and then toward Azura. Are they truly about to disobey an order from him: their arishok? Sten glared over at them with fire in his usually soft violet hues. “ **NOW!** ” His voice roared and the Stens left quickly and closed the door behind them. 

“Oh,  _ so scary _ ,” her bell-like voice sang over to him. “Just like back in the courtyard an hour ago too. I never knew you could take charge like that.” 

Ah, so she is mocking him? That is like her. Sten glared over at her and slowly walked over to her cell. She kept her gaze on him, but he refused to make eye contact with her. He must remain in charge. Her games cannot affect him like they did in the past. 

“Why are you here?” He turned his back to her, keeping his gaze on the stone wall. He heard the stool move from behind him and the soft rattle of the iron bars. 

“I only came to talk,” her voice was low, almost seductive. He hated it. He hated all of this. He could feel her icy gaze on his bare back, trying to freeze him into place. He refused to make eye contact with her. He refused to even look at her. Talk? She came to talk? He has been here for ten years and she  **NEVER** made any effort to contact him. So, why now? Does she truly think he is as stupid as she believes? It only angers him. 

“Don’t lie to me,” his tone was low, almost a snarl. He turned sharply and placed his massive hands on the iron bars causing them to violently shake. His tone caused her blink and moved away from the iron bars. Her hands curled up toward her chest. “Tell me why you are really here!”

Azura’s confident expression had morphed into disappointment by the furrow of her white eyebrows. Yet, a small smile grew on her lips. The fear he tried to instill her did not seem to work. She walked back to the bars and one hand reached up to touch his bare arm. Her touch was freezing yet hot as fire at the same time. Her fingertips gently stroked his bicep as if to calm him like he is some beast! His brows furrowed into his forehead as his violet hues glared at her slender fingers. He leaned away from the iron bars but her fingers nearly dug into the muscle of his grey arm. Her touch was like a fire and his body was the forest. The more he is around her to more he fears she will set a wildfire within him.  


“Please,” she whispered, her fingers gripping to his massive bicep, trying to pull him back to her. “Talk to me.”

He finally made eye contact with her and her crystal hues held his with such strength it nearly caused him to weaver. Yet, there was something in her hues, a darkness. When they were younger her hues were as bright as the snow falling from the sky, but now there is darkness. A darkness he does not like to see in her. Is the taint overtaking her…? It’s been ten years. She is probably on limited time. If only she came with him all those years ago. He could have taken care of her. He could have  _ protected _ her. He could have -  **NO!** He cannot think like this! 

He broke their eye contact and moved his arm out of her grip. Her hand stayed in the air until her fingers curled into her palm. He did not say another word as he walked away from her and slammed the prison’s door behind him. 

* * *

_ “I can't lie anymore.  
_ _ I fall down before you.  
_ _ I'm sorry.  
I _ _ 'm sorry.” _

* * *

Sten desperately tried to sleep, but his mind was racing as well as his body. Sweat had collected around his scalp and chest. His heart was racing so fast it felt like it would burst from his torso. His head felt like someone was using it for target practice. He even went out to the courtyard to hit a few targets but even that didn’t make him feel better. Even under the moon he felt like she was watching him. It was suffering. There is another way to relieve stress but to go to a Tamassran? Yet, he could only see Azura’s face. He could only hear her soft voice. That soft but seductive voice that nearly broke him of all his senses. He could still feel her touch on his arm that burned, but it was still a pleasurable burn. Perhaps she is a demon her Chantry spoke about, like that desire demon he saw when they saved the Circle of Magi ten years ago. The creatures showed the weak Templar a false life, a happy life, and he fell into temptation without a fight. That is what she: a desire demon straight from the deepest regions of his mind. He must purge her like he did ten years ago.

He found himself at the hands of a Tamassran. All these emotions that he is feeling must be purged or they will consume him like a wildfire. He invited her to his private chambers and she was willingly and eager to serve the Arishok, like all the Tamassran. Her naked body should have set a fire within him like it did just a few weeks ago. But now, he felt nothing. She tried to relax him with her hands, but they felt wrong on his skin. They were calloused, not soft: not like hers. Her hands lacked the sensation that she brought: that burning cooling sensation. The Tamassran must have noticed the lack of interest because she straddled his hips, rolling hers against his. His cock reacted to the rolls of her hips, and her rough hands stroked his face, while pressing her lips against his neck. It wasn’t enough. Sten slapped her rough hand away from his face and shoved the woman onto the bed. His cock was eager. It needed release: any release. 

“On your knees,” he ordered. He didn’t want to look at her: not this time. He wanted his mind to wonder. She obeyed like they all did. She submitted to him. 

His fingers gripped her hips and he saw her wet cunt before him. The sight only caused his cock to grow harder. Her long white hair only reminded him of her hair now. His hand hovered above her hair, nearly touching her curved horns. His hand grabbed a handful of her hair and pulled her toward him. A soft moan escaped the woman’s lips as she moved her lips, eager for him. Sten roughly pushed his cock into her slick wetness and groaned loudly at the sensation. 

His hips were moving sloppily without any rhythm, but he didn’t care. The Tamassran didn’t make a single sound beneath him: she just submitted. This allowed his mind to wonder and he desperately tried to focus on the Tamassran. This was a way to relieve all the stress and forget about Azura. Just focus on the ecstasy of this moment. 

However, his mind only showed images of HER face. Her pale skin like the fresh snow that he saw in Ferelden with her. How could he forget her face when she reached up to touch the snow falling and that bright suffering smile she showed him. Her bright moon lit hues that always tried to pierce his soul when they spoke. When he looked down he didn’t see the Tamassran, no he saw her! How he always imagined she would look naked: pure white and untouched by anyone. The curve of her alluring hips that were always shaped beautifully in her mage robes. Her long slender legs that he yearned to touch and caress. The Tamassran’s horns disappeared and all he saw was Azura’s long and silky white hair: the hair that he had gripped in his hands. This was wrong. All of this was wrong. He didn’t want the Tamassran! He doesn’t want this! 

The visual was enough to make his cock go limp and he pushed the Tamassran away from him. He stood up quickly, covering himself with a fur blanket, and yelled at her to leave. The woman didn’t stay to ask why, she left and closed the door behind her. Sten sat back on his bed and put his head between his hands. 

No, he knew what he needed to do. 

* * *

_ "Broken,  
Lifeless.  
I give up" _

* * *

His violet hues stared at the prison’s door, inhaled slowly, and he slowly opened it. The Two Stens on duty saluted as he walked inside. Sten waved them away and they obeyed without a second thought, closing the door behind them. She was still sitting on the damned stool, as if she was waiting for him, and it only irritated him. Her white leather boot swayed back and forth as she sat crossed legs, staring at him. In fact, she probably was waiting on him, because she could leave any moment she wanted if she truly wanted to. So, why is she still here?

He was silent and let the silence engulf the holding cells. He ran his hand over his face as his soft violet hues gazed toward the stone wall to his side. 

“Why are you still here?” He questioned her, breaking the silence. He turned his head slightly toward her to see that she stopped waving her leg back and forth. 

She only blinked his words and a smirk drew on her painted lips. “What do you mean?”

A frown grew on his lips and he snarled softly to himself. He hated her games! He isn’t some noble in the Winter Palace wearing a mask to hide his true intentions! 

“You know what I mean!” His voice raised once again but he took a deep breath in. He must remain calm. She cannot get the best of him. He is the Arishok now! “You are a sarbaas. You can shape shift like you did all those years ago. Just turn into a mouse and run away.”

Azura blinked at his words but showed no expression on her lovely face. “I can’t do magic without my staff-”

“ **Stop lying** ,” he took a step toward her cell. “I know you can do magic just fine without your staff like all you _ beasts _ .”

Her crystal hues narrowed at him, and for the first time since her capture, he thought he saw her wall crumble: even if for a moment. “You mean mages?” She questioned with a raised brow and she tilted her head to the side causing her long braid to fall slightly off her shoulder. “So I’m a beast to you ?” 

He finally made eye contact with her which was a mistake. Her snow lit hues tried to pierce him like a spear. Yet, he could see the shadow within the white. Her once brightly lit hues now shadowed by the taint of the darkspawn. This conversation is so familiar...

_ “Beasts can’t do magic,” she joked with him with a bright smile on her lips.  _

_ He exhaled softly: he never knew humans had this type of humor within them “Some men act the part as beasts.” _

_ Her smile never faded nor faulted as she stepped closer to him. Most humans were terrified of his entire existence but not her. Never her. She treated him just like the rest.  _

_ “Are you calling me a beast?” She questioned with a raised brow.  _

_ Her, a beast? He would never put her in the same category as a beast: she is far from it. He has seen how she speaks to the nobles of this land: she is a well reserved speaker. She fits in with nobles as if she was never locked in a tower her entire life; from the way she walks to the clothes she wears even in battle. Her clothes are always interesting to him: the silk of the robes to the various colors she chooses to wear to the silt of the robe that makes her figure look so alluring. To her leather boots with the small heel on them -- how she does it trip in them is still a mystery. She is graceful as she battles despite being what she called a knight enchanter. When the battle she moves so quickly as if her feet do not touch the ground. It is incredible to watch. She is far from a beast, yet the Qun teaches him this despite what he thinks -- therefore she is one. _

“You have your moments,” he mumbled to her. How ironic the past would be replayed right before his very eyes. 

She chuckled and the sound was enough to relax his tightened muscles. She closed her eyes for a moment and let out a small cough. Slowly, she stood up and walked to the iron bars of her cell. Then, she stared back at him with the same intensity as before. “So you would lock me up like you do your mages? Chain me, gag me, _**cut my tongue out,**_ and make me serve someone: like a beast.”

Sten’s hardened expression softened at her words and he broke their eye contact. Magic is dangerous. He often wondered why magic exists at all. Yet, she proved to him that magic can be controlled with the sensible mind. However, not all saarebas are like her. So many will abuse their cruse and fire cannot be controlled if left to spread. Kirkwall is a prime example. Even now a sarebaas is their divine. The Qun will cleanse them of their choices: with force.  


He walked closer to her cage and placed his massive hand on the iron bar. She only reached the top of his chest but she stared straight up toward him: refusing to back down. He always respected that trait about her. She was brave to the point of stupidity. He wanted to reach through the bars and - no, he mustn’t let his mind roam. 

“I wouldn’t do that to you,” he whispered. Even if the Qun said she was a beast that needed to be put down, he couldn’t do that to her. Only her. 

Her white eyebrows furrowed and she shook her head. “You’re lying,” she spat and the sound felt like poison in his veins. “You would because you always picked the Qun over me.” 

He stared down at her and she still refused to back down to him. Sh **e refused** to submit to him. Of course he wanted to convert her. He wanted her to submit to the Qun. He wanted all of Thedas to submit to the Qun. Yet, he knew she would fight him to the bitter end. 

Suddenly his thoughts were cut because she fell to her knees and started to cough uncontrollably. Panic flashed like a bright white light, nearly blinding him. His heart accelerated as he watched black blood escape her lips and fall to the floor. He looked around the room for the key set, any key at this point. It was attached to the wall behind her cell door. His fingers ripped the key from the set, unlocked the door with his trembling fingers, and rushed to her side. 

Her fingers were trying to grip to the stone wall as more black blood escaped her lips. Her back was hunched over and her entire body was trembling. He knew he should treat her like any prisoner, but this is Azura. His large hands pulled her up toward him and she rested her head against his large leg as she coughed up more blood. The blood fell onto his leg, burning straight through his armor, and onto his bare skin. It hurt, but he couldn’t push her away despite the excruciating pain. 

He held her for what felt like an eternity until she stopped coughing and regained control of her breathing. She moved her head from his leg and wiped the remaining blood from her mouth, with a slight groan. Her body was still trembling from the aftermath, but he could finally breathe normally again. She pressed her bare palms onto the stone floor to hold herself steady, but kept her body against his chest. The silence engulfed them as her breathing slowly returned to a normal pace. 

“I’m dying,” she whispered up to him and rested her head against his chest. His throat felt dry at those simple two words. “I just,” she paused and sighed softly against his skin. “I wanted to see you before it was too late.”

He stood perfectly still, his mind was racing with questions, but he couldn’t focus on a single thought. His fingers wanted to stroke her soft skin, but he cannot bend to her will. “You’re lying...”

Azura turned her face so her crystal hues gazed up at his violet ones. “I’m here **now** , aren’t I?”

She is. She is here with him after so many years apart. She is right. She is here, right now. But, years have changed them. He cannot just do what she wants anymore. He is the Arishok of the entire Qunari people. Yet, with her here now, it complicates everything. 

Sten didn’t say a word and gently picked her up in his arms. She didn’t struggle against him, in fact it was the opposite, she went limp in his arms. Her head is still resting against his chest, but now her eyes are closed. He rested her gently on the straw cot, careful not to cause any more injury to her. He slowly removed his arms from under her, but her hand grabbed his, weakly. He turned slightly toward her as she gently pulled his hand toward her. 

“Please,” she whispered up to him in a horse voice. “Don’t leave me”

He stared down at her. Her eyelids were halfway open as she looked up at her. Her once beautifully lit eyes are dull. It pulled at his heart and made his entire chest feel tight. His fingers gently wrapped around her wrist and placed her hand onto her chest. He closed his eyes and turned his back to her. This is wrong. The Qun wouldn’t allow this. He must obey the Qun. He must! He is the Arishok. He cannot be tempted by her! 

“I want you gone by tomorrow,” his voice was low but he heard the cot behind him move. “Use your magic and be gone by tomorrow, Azura. Or else.”

Then, he walked away from her and closed her cell’’s door behind him. He could hear her call his name faintly behind him and he slammed the prison’s door so hard behind him he feared it would fall off its hinges. His fingers clutched the iron handle of the door and he watched the handle bend under his steer strength. This is all wrong: all of it. She should have never come here even if she just wanted to see him. She should have stayed away. If she came a few years earlier before he was Arishok, then perhaps this would be a different ending. But now? His hand wiped away some sweat that had collected around his forehead. 

For now, he needs rest and hopefully she will be gone in the morning. 

* * *

_My only peace._  
_My only joy (To walk away from you)._  
_My only strength._  
_My only power (I fall into your abounding grace)._

* * *

\--Azura's Point of View--

Azura stared up at the ceiling of her cell. Yes, she may be a prisoner, but she hasn’t been acting like one. When Sten would leave her she would shape shift to a rat to explore the massive keep. She watched many Qunari: titles and ranks she would never remember. She watched them train in the courtyard with one another. They had to be ready for war, since everyone in Thedas has been anxiously awaiting their invasion of Tevinter. Now, with Sten as their military leader as well. She was living in Tevinter when Divine Victoria, or Vivienne, as she was once called was crowned. Honestly, she was shocked that she was divine, but she knew it would only anger the Qunari. Then, she had gotten letters from Leliana that the Qunari had declared war against the Inquisition and basically all of Thedas. So, she knew it was time to find Sten before it was too late to reach him.  


When she spoke to Sten she was surprised to hear his distain for mages again and it seemed to be worse than before. She had watched the way the other Qunari treated their mages and it terrified her. She watched as the mage had to submit to their master without question. They were a beast in their own mind. They hit him with some sort of staff pouring out what appeared to be lyrium, yet it caused the mage to be helpless. They couldn’t cast any spells: it was like some sort of collar for the beast. They truly were caged beasts to them.

Azura closed her eyes tightly trying to get the image out of her mind. She had always heard how Qunari treated their mages but to see it with her own eyes? Would Sten want her like that? He said he wouldn’t, but he has always believed the Qun without question. He never doubted it. Why would that be any different? Yet, her eyelids lowered as she looked at the iron bars of her cell. He always treated her with respect, and at times, such kindness. 

Maybe he was telling the truth.

She closed her eyes as she tried to rest her mind, but she knew no matter how much she rested that her willpower was drained. She used all her magic shape shifting these past two days and it nearly took all her power to even get here. Perhaps this has all been for not afterall. He didn’t even want to talk with her. He just wanted her to leave. 

The prison door opened and she opened her eyes to see his towering shadow in front of her cell. Was it already morning? This prison has no window so it is difficult to know when it is daylight or night time. She had spent last night as a crow, watching the night guards around the keep and admiring the scenery of the island. Truly, the books about Seheron do not describe its beauty. 

“Why are you still here?” His voice was low, almost dangerous. She hated that tone from him. It didn’t sound natural for such hatred to exist in him. 

“We still haven’t talked,” she slowly stood up and walked toward the iron bars, resting her palms against them. 

“I told you to leave,” he snarled down to her. She casted her eyes to the side and gently rocked back and forth on her heel. Does he really want her to leave? Why? She thought that just maybe he would be happy to see her.

“I told you yesterday why I came so why are you asking again?” Her finger traced the iron bar before her as she stared at his large chest. 

“So, you wish to either starve down here or rot?” He questioned and she chuckled. She actually ate enough food last night to feed an entire platoon in the kitchen yesterday morning. But, he doesn’t need to know that. 

“You wouldn’t let that happen to me…” she whispered and finally looked up to him with a sly smirk on her painted lips. But his gaze was harsh on her which caused her smirk to disappear into a thin line as she pressed her lips together. 

“Then I will let you rot down here,” he mumbled down to her and her eyes widened. He would do that to her…? No! He wouldn’t. He is baffling! He must be. 

“Sten, wait,” her voice was low and she reached out toward him, but his hand slapped hers away. Her fingers curled up to her palm as he turned his back to her. She took a step back as if he had slapped her across her face instead of her hand. Her moon lit hues grew large and her heart started to race under her chest. No, he can’t do this to her. Marker, no, this is wrong. 

She watched as he walked toward the large wooden door. He was about to walk out of her life forever,  **again!** She started to feel her heart crawl up to her throat and her chest felt like it was about to crush on itself. He can’t do this to her! Not again! She ran to the iron bars and her fingers wrapped tightly around the bars to the point she felt it would scar her fingers. Her eyes felt heavy and she blinked away some tears starting to collect in the corners of her eyes. 

All these games she played never helped her with him. Marker, she tried so hard to get through to him when he was in her company all those years ago. She thought her wit and charm would help, but it never did. It was all a stupid game to her. He is a simple creature yet she has treated him like a member of the Orlesian court. It has never played in her favor. Right now, she has to be honest, for the first time in ten years. Perhaps the first time in her entire life.

“ **STEN**!” She shouted at him. Her strong walls started to crumble around her. “Don’t you understand!?” He paused but never turned back to look at her. Tears fell down her face as she stared at his massive back. All the rules she learned the hard way in Orlais were shattering around like the Chantry’s glass within their temple. 

“I love you!” Her voice cracked as tears dropped from her chin to the stone floor. “I always have,  _ so please, _ ” she pressed her forehead against the iron bars, her vision was blurring before her as the air around her felt like it was suffocating her. “Don’t leave me.” 

She couldn’t see anything due to her tears, and she was thankful. She cannot watch him walk out of her life again like he did all those years ago. He left her. He left her all alone because of the damned Qun. She begged him at the docks to stay with her, to stay at her side and travel with her. He left her! He did that to her! Yet, he blames her!? She never wanted this to happen. He shouldn't even be the Arishok, he should just be Sten. She shook her head and wiped the tears falling down her pale face, but more replaced them. A sob escaped her, but then she felt two arms wrap around her waist, harshly pulling her away from the iron bar. 

Then, his lips connected with hers and she let out a sigh. They kissed one another with such hunger, like two possessed mages. His lips moved swiftly against hers, fighting for dominance, but she wouldn’t submit. Not now, not ever. Her arms wrapped around his neck, lowering him down toward her as her hands ran through his white locks. His hands moved upward toward his stomach, his thumbs nearly grazing against her clothed breasts. The faint touch caused her to moan against his mouth, which released a snarl from him, pushing her against the stone wall. Her hands moved to his shoulders, pulling him closer to him. She wanted to feel all of him: right now. 

However, he broke their kiss which caused her to groan in disappointment. 

“Parshaara, kadan,” his voice so soft it caused another sob to escape her lips at the word kadan. He pressed her body against his rock hard body. When was the last time she heard him call her that? Ten years? She buried her face into his chest and her hands dug into his chest, desperately trying to bring him closer to her. His massive hand rested in her white locks, letting her locks fall through his large fingers slowly. The same movement that used to relax her all those years ago. It worked now just like it did all those years ago. 

“I never lied,” she whispered against his chest, letting her tears fall down to her chin. “I am dying,” his arms tightened around her shoulders and she dug her fingers into his large biceps. “I wasted all my willpower to come here. I can’t leave even if I wanted to.” 

“Kadan,” he pressed his lips against her white hair. “That was foolish.”

She chuckled softly and nodded. “I know, but I wanted to see you. I wanted to be with you even if it was for a little bit.”

He was silent as he stroked her hair. “I won’t let you die,” he whispered down to her and she shook her head.

“You can’t stop the ta-”

“I can try,” he interrupted and gently pulled her away from him, his massive hand rested against her face. She turned her face into his palm and closed her eyes, exhaling slowly. Exhaustion slowly began to engulf her entire being as she rested against his hand. Yet, she can still faintly hear the sound of voices: she can’t understand what they are saying. It scares her, but it also makes her feel safe? It is difficult to understand. Yet, she knows what it is, the calling. 

“I can hear them,” she broke the silence and gazed up at him. His hand stopped stroking her face and his brows furrowed, not in anger, in worry. “The darkspawn. They want me to come and go to the deep roads and…..” her words slowly trailed away as a few more tears from her eyes. She buried her face into his large palm.  Sten didn’t say anything as his hand wiped away her tears. Her hand rested on his wrist as he wiped away all the tears from her face. 

“I just want to rest,” she whispered up to him and he only nodded. He gently placed his arm underneath her knees and under her back, bringing her against his chest. She closed her eyes and rested against his chest: finally letting exhaustion win the battle. 

* * *

_ “When night falls on me,  
_ _ I'll not close my eyes.  
I _ _ 'm too alive  
_ _ And you're too strong.” _

* * *

He had taken her to his private chambers without being seen by any Qunari: to his knowledge. Of course, none would question him if they did see him. He had placed her in his bed and covered her with the fur blankets that laid there. Her white robes were getting dirty from being in that holding cell. She will need new clothes: clothes that resemble these robes somehow. He will figure it out, as he always has. She has been asleep for nearly ten hours. He had discussed war plans with other Kithshok about invading sooner than later: the situation has changed. Yet, every hour he checked to see if she awoke, but she was still asleep. The war council had retired for the evening so now he can focus all his attention to his kadan. The sun was setting behind the mountains as he watched her sleep.  


The major problem is what to do with her. For now, he can tell his forces that she is his spy and that he has successfully converted her to the Qun. Yet, to lie to his military….to the Qun? He rubbed his temples from the headache it was already giving him. Or, he could just say she is his saarebas and he is her Arvaarad. However, if he told her that she would be furious. For now, he will keep her hidden and a secret for as long as possible. There is lyrium within the palace for the other saarebas. He can give it to her and she can shape shift to get out of his chambers during the day so she isn't a prisoner. Yet, there is some worry that she was still lying, that she isn't here for him. She could always take the lyrium and fly away. He doesn’t want her to leave: not now. She is dying. He has to fix it somehow. There must be a cure out there and if his soldiers can invade perhaps he can get that information. The sooner they invade Thedas, the sooner he can find a cure for her. 

“Sten,” her soft voice mumbled and he quickly rushed to her side, sitting on the side of his bed. Her hands were raised in the air and he gently pushed them back down to her chest. Her eyes slowly opened and wiped the sleep from her eyes. Then, she slowly sat up and rested against the headboard. 

“You stayed,” she murmured, sleep still in her eyes. 

He wiped at the corner of her eye to remove it, “of course.”

A smile grew on her now pale lips as she gazed at him, but then her eyes lowered toward the bed. She didn’t say anything which was unlike her. So he gently placed his massive hand against her pale cheek, and she hummed softly at the touch, leaning into it. Her dark lashes shielded her moon lit hues as he stroked the side of her face. 

“What will you tell them?” Her crystal hues held his violent ones as he gently stroked her face.

He held her gaze as his fingers traced the outline of her face. “Don’t worry,” his voice was low, softer than he thought capable. “I have it under control.”

She smiled softly, but then he watched as fear fell over her face and she sat up from the bed. She gently pushed his hand away from the side of her face. “Are…” she paused and bit her bottom lip, breaking their eye contact. “Are you going to make me convert? Are you going to….” she paused again and closed her eyes for a moment, only to look back up at him. “Make me like the other saarebas”

He only stared at her and his brows furrowed into the crease of his forehead. After all he has told her she still worries about that? “Never,” his voice was true. He would never do that to her: never to her. Never her. 

She held his gaze but then slowly nodded. “I believe you,” she whispered to him and scooted herself closer to him, removing his hand from the side of her face. She rested her head against his collarbone. “I love you, Sten.” she breathed into his shoulder. Her lips leaving a cooling sensation against his skin.  


He closed his eyes at those three simple words. He pressed his lips against the top of her hair, inhaling her sweet scent. There is no word that is equivalent to ‘love’ in Qunlat. There is no concept in the Qun of love. Children do not remember their parents nor do Qunari marry one another. However, there is a connection between his people, but the word love is not used. Qunari show their affection through their actions, not with sweet honeyed words like poetry so many bas use. Yet, he knows what he feels for her, what he has always felt for her. Words cannot describe his emotions for her: only his actions. 

“You are my kadan,” he whispered gently to her, holding her against his chest, tightly. He feared she would disappear again like she did ten years ago. He has her now: he will never let her go again. “You are my asala. I won’t let anything happen to you, not as long as I am alive.”

He will invade Thedas and he will find a cure even if it costs him his entire Antaam. 


	2. You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sten and Azura spend time together.

_ "Why have I gone blind?   
Live another life  
You" _

_ -Breaking Benjamin  _

* * *

The invasion of Thedas would come sooner than later because there have been some changes in the Antaam -- mostly with the Arishok himself. He stood on a balcony overlooking the many soldiers sparring below. They fought with a new drive, a new ambition, a raw power that would cause Thedas to fall to their knees. Even an Exalted March won’t stop this time, not while he is their Arishok. The invasion must be successful if he is to find a cure for his kadan. 

His fingers tapped against the railings on the balcony, and his violet hues never strayed from the soldiers below. He was tired of looking at invasion plans for now. He had left his war room that was behind him to see what if soldiers had improved or not. The sun’s rays beamed down on his grey skin and reflected on his greatsword, his asala. Everyday it was the same, training and more training. He had to walk around the yard to survey the soldiers and evaluate if they are ready to invade. The Viddasala had failed him and caused a blow to their entire invasion plan. The Dread Wolf is of course their main problem but the fact that the Inquisition still serves their mage divine cannot be tolerated. 

A Karashok walked up behind him with a scroll in his hands. Sten raied his hand slowly, stopping the man as he kept his gaze below. His violet eyes strayed away from the soldiers below when he heard the single caw of a bird above him. He stretched his arm out toward the sky and a white owl landed on his forearm, its talons sinking into his grey skin. The bird extended its wing to pull out a few stray feathers, tossing them to the air, letting the wind take them away. 

“On your orders,” a Karashok spoke from behind him. 

Sten extended his hand and took the scroll from him, he opened it and started to read. Then, he tore the fragile paper in his large fingers, letting the paper fly away in the air. The owl titled its head at the sight but then returned its icy gaze toward the Karashok. 

“It is herah,” Sten’s finger reached up to gently touch the owl’s head, letting his fingers stroke from its head down its back. The bird ruffled its feathers and then flew onto his armored shoulder, staring at the Karashok. Sten kept his back to the Karashok as his hand returned to the railing of the balcony, “Itwa-adim **”**

The Karashok bowed to the Airshok and left him alone on the balcony. The bird extended its wings and flew off his shoulder and into the war chamber behind him. He kept his gaze toward his soldiers as he walked into the war chamber. Once he was inside, he gently closed the door, locking it. The bird was sitting upon the table, peaking at the various maps of Thedas, scratching the wood with its talons. 

Then in a bright white light surrounded the bird and Azura was sitting on the table, letting her feet dangle over the edge. She was wearing a simple black mage robe not like her elegant one she wore when he first saw her. This one still hung onto her womanly curves, outlining her hourglass figure, and honestly making the fire within him burn. It was cut around the shoulders to expose her snow colored skin.The Trevintar necklace she wore a few days ago no longer rested on her, thankfully. It was like a slap in the face to see her wear that around him. Honestly, he is still having to get used to her shape shifting. Ten years ago he never batted an eye at magic but it’s been some time since he has seen such severe magic in his presence. 

“You shouldn’t strain yourself,” he lectured at her and she shrugged her shoulders. 

She looked at her bare shoulder and gently plucked a feather that was still attached to her skin, tossing it to the side. “I have lyrium now, thanks to you. It’s nice to see this island and not be stuck like a prisoner.” 

“You know exactly what I mean, “ he grumbled as he walked past her. Her icy gaze was always on him and it felt like he could freeze to the ground. His large hands rested on his war table and his violet hues stared at the map of Thedas. Everything was coming together and soon they will invade that mage infested land that has been their enemy for decades. 

“You seem stressed,” her soft voice broke his thought but he didn’t look over at her. He needed to stay focused and not get distracted, which is extremely difficult. His large finger picked up a figure and moved toward the left, debating if they should invade from the left instead. Perhaps? That is a possibility. 

A sigh escaped her when he didn’t answer her and she jumped off his war table and walked closer to her. Her icy presence was almost unbearable as he felt her at his side. 

“I could help,” she paused to grab his hands from the table, trying to make him face her. “Relieve some stress.”

His eyes widened at her request for a second and his heart nearly pounded out of his chest. “No,” he simply said down to her. His answer felt wrong. It was a lie. He hated lying, especially to her. He looked to his side to see the hurt expression on her beautiful pale features. 

Her gaze lowered toward the ground and she bit her lower lip. She brushed a few white strands of her hair behind her ear, and he could have swore he saw a light blush on her snow colored skin. “So, you don’t want me,” she mumbled mostly to herself but of course he heard her. 

Sten shook his head in annoyance, his hand balled into a fist and slammed it onto the table, causing some maps to fall to the ground. “ ** _Of course I want you_** ,” his voice was hard, angry that she thought any differently. “I’ve always wanted you. I wanted to take you in the feeble tent you slept in at the camp during The Blight. I wanted to throw you against the wall in that disgusting estate and make those paintings witness it. I want you now. I want you in every position that I can possibly think of. I want you to bend to my will and scream my name, but….” he paused, trying to tame the fire within him and his loins. But when he saw the same hunger in her moonlit eyes, it was extremely difficult. He inhaled slowly, running his hand through his long white hair. “Being with a qunari is different from any other race….I don’t want to hurt you.”

A devious smirk grew on her face, “I like a little danger.” 

She was making this difficult -- as she always made every situation. The gleam in her eyes was nearly enough for him to shove her onto the table and take her right there, right now. However, he must control himself. He has too. For himself and for her. She can pretend she isn’t dying and he can ignore it as well, but they both know she is. If he hurt her….it would kill him. 

She must have noticed the chains he was trying to bind himself in because she stood up, standing right before him. She only reached his collarbone, and her hands touched his bare chest. The touch was freezing but it only lit the flame within his body, burning the entire forest down with one blow. He hated this power she had over him, but also needed it. He craved it, as he always has since he met her all those years ago.

Enough of this. Enough of these pointless games! 

He picked her up with ease, as if she was a mere rag doll, and pinned her against the stone wall behind them. She blinked at the movement but he wouldn’t let her get a word in: not now. One of his arms blocked her in while the other held her chin, titling it up toward him and he claimed her lips. She exhaled against his lips, leaving a cold breeze, but it only added to the fire within him. Their lips fought for dominance, but right now, he will be the one to win. The hand against the wall moved down toward her hip, his fingers gripping to her narrow hip bone. For a moment he worried his grip might actually break her fragile bones. Yet, the beast within him wanted nothing more than to dominate her: even if it was for today. His leg forcibly opened hers, his knee pressed against her womanhood and a sharp gasp escaped her lips, but his reclaimed hers once again. 

His leg moved slightly so his hand that rested on her hip could slip between the silt of her magical robe. His fingers gripped her bare flesh and a snarl escaped his lips at the texture of her skin. She broke their kiss and placed her head against his collarbone. His hand covered her entire womanhood and he could already feel her start to tremble under his grip. He paused his movements for a moment until she spread her legs even more, causing his fingers to caress the lips of her cunt. She was already wet: dripping wet from anticipation. 

He wanted to smell her, taste her, and just control her. For now, this will have to do. His index finger was coated with her juices and the tip of his finger stroked her already hard cilt. She flinched from his touch, but relaxed against the wall again. He removed his hand from her chin and her head fell against his shoulder. Her fingers gripped to his biceps. Then, he pushed two fingers inside of her and she moaned loudly against his skin. The sound was enough to unbind him from the mental chains he put himself in for her safety. He pushed his fingers deep inside her until his knuckles brushed against her hard cilt. Her nails dug into his skin as he pumped his fingers in and out of her wet cunt. There was no rhythm, no masterful love making technique: he just wanted her to crumble under his touch. 

“Sten,” her voice was merely a whisper, but it set his entire being on fire. 

His thumb pressed harshly against her hard cilt and rubbed circles while his two fingers slid in and out of her. A moan escaped her at the pleasure he was giving her. Her nails dug into his skin to the point of trying to break the skin. The pain only added to his own pleasure. His damned cock was pressed against his armor, begging for release, even if it was just watching her come undone by his fingers. His other hand held her back and she nearly went limp from his grip. Her legs were shaking and he kept her standing up with his hand. His thumb moved faster and faster on her cilt until he started to feel the muscles inside of her vagina start to pulse. She was coming undone. It was a lovely sight to see her fall under just his fingers. 

She moaned loudly and buried her face into his shoulder, trying to keep her voice down. Her orgasm washed over and dripped down her legs. His fingers milked her until they were soaking wet. His thumb released its grip on her now nearly bruised cilt. He slowly removed his fingers from within her and her juices fell down to his wrist. Her entire body was resting against his rock hard one as she tried to catch her breath. 

“Wait,” she breathed, still trying to catch her breath. She gently pushed him away as she stood on her own without his support. “That’s it!?” 

A smirk grew on his lips as he gazed down at her. "Yes," he answered simple. 

Her brows furrowed into her crease and a frown was drawn on her lips. "I didn't say you could stop!"

Oh, he loved seeing his raw anger from her. She never lets anyone see her true colors and yet here she is, painted before him. His hand gently grabbed her chin, holding her still as he kept his gaze on her. 

"I said so," he released his grip and walked away from her back to the table. He heard her grumble behind him and then she appeared at his side, but this time she was silent, for once. It was rare, and almost unnerving. Her gaze stayed on the map of Thedas that was littered with war figures, war ships, and writing in Qunlet she could not possibly understand.

"Are you," she paused and crossed her slender arms over her chest. "are you really going to invade?" Her voice was soft as she spoke up toward him. 

He gazed down to her and narrowed his gaze at her and then toward the map. What kind of foolish question is that? Of course he is and she knows that so why must she ask him? She already knows the answer. The pair were silent as they stared at the map.

She shook her head and slammed her hand on the map, ontop of Ferelden; where the Blight happened and the place they met all those years ago. "What about Alistair? Leliana? Zevran? Are you just going to let them die!? You would kill you-"

Her words felt like daggers coated in poison. He hadn't thought of them in years, but that would also be a lie. He had thought of Leliana's soft singing voice by the camp fire and her giggles when she found he liked cookies. He had thought of Zevran when he watched his soldiers use two swords to fight just like that assassin did. He had seen Alistair and their meeting ended in conflict, but that was the for the best. When he invades Ferelden he wants Alistair to see him as the enemy, but his old friend. Yet, he cannot deny these horrible memories of these people.

"AZURA!" His voice boomed in the large room as he roared down to her. He immediately regretted it seeing the fear on her lovely face. He inhaled slowly and looked away from her back to the map. He can't look at her, not now, not after that outburst. "I am the Arishok-"

" ** _SO_**!?" her voice was getting higher, more desperate. "You are still Sten."

"No, I'm not. That was a titl-"

"That was your name! It's always been you! This," she pointed to the map and looked back at him. "This isn't the Sten I know. The Sten I know loves cookies, admiring strange works of art, reading book after book, and hitting things. The Sten I know doesn't invade other countries and kill innocent people!"

"They **aren't** innocent, kadan!" His voice was raising as well, and he hated this. He kept his gaze on the map, not on her. He cannot bare to look at her wounded expression. Only she could bring these false ideas up. Only she could make him question the Qun. Only her and her alone. It is maddening. 

"Yes, they are! I know some of us are terrible and bad, but not all." she paused for a second to cough and Sten's heart dropped into his stomach. She covered her mouth and turned her back to him, as if he wouldn't see her struggling. Then, she straightened her shoulders and turned back to glare at him: still refusing to back down to him. 

He glared down at her. "Enough of this, kadan," his voice is calm despite the storm in his mind. "You knew this would happen and yet you came here to be with me." her eyes avoided his as his words, but her silence was enough of an answer for him. "I have to do this."

"But why?" her voice is now hoarse from the coughing and it only added to the storm within his mind. 

His large hands rested on her shoulders. He has to do this for her. Before it was just for the Qun, but now it is for her. He has to find a cure for her. There has to be one out there in Thedas and he will take it by force. All of this is for her, but he cannot tell her or she would be even angrier than before. He cannot be the cause of her pain. "I have to do this. I have to." 

She stared up at him, not saying a single word, but then shook her head. She pushed his hands off her shoulders and crossed her arms over her chest.She turned her back to him as she gazed at the map before her. "I don't want to ever come back in this room. I don't want you to tell me anything that happens when you invade. Promise me."

He nodded, "I promise."

She doesn't have to agree with him, but he has to do this for now. He has to cure her! He will not let her Marker take her from him. Not again. 


End file.
